i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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