11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
