She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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