I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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