my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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