hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
