im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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