I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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