too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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