I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
