Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
