Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
