BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
