I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
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