i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
