your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
