...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
