She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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