So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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