I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
