Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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