Apparently you make a good broom.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
