How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
