I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
