that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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