so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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