Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
