she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
