i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
