she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
