Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
