I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
