i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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