My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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