I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
