what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
