I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
