there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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