Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
