my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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