Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
