you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
