I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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