I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
