I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
