yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
