Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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