he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
