Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
