I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
