we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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